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12 entries this month
16:37 May 30 2023
Times Read: 253
Watched a sad movie last night which isn't recommended before bedtime... but I woke up feel invigorated by possibilities in life. This is not a crappy Monday. This is a day of can-do attitude and many miles to log on my FitBit. 👊
21:40 May 27 2023
Times Read: 288
Today and tomorrow my son is moving back home after 5 years living on his own. He was in the dorms, then engaged and living with his fiancé, they broke up in October and he continued to be roomies with their other roommate until graduation. Now, he'll be back here - plus of course working full time as a teacher. I definitely missed him here regularly. It'll be awesome having movie nights with him. I spend most of my time in my room- but I have a TV and chairs in here for him to come in and hang out comfortably. I don't care for watching TV in the living room... I'm cleaning dog hair up a couple times a week in there and there isn't any on the chairs in my room. In my room, the big old pup stays on the floor.
23:17 May 15 2023
Times Read: 359
It’s been a wild few days.
Saturday- my son graduated from college with a Bachelor’s in English Literature and a Minor in Mass Communications. He was hired *already* last week by Teach For America. He interviewed for schools for a couple days, and today a couple offers came in. He’s accepted one. He will be teaching high school English THIS FALL.
This does wonders for my mental health.
Some of you here sent graduation cards and even money to him… you have NO idea how you have assisted. Not only did he need to pay off some lingering tuition to get his official transcripts to make that job happen… he’s scrounging pennies for a piece of junk vehicle that he can at least drive for the first year. So, that money is going to some seriously good use. None of it is going to a “good time” LOL… it’s all just making his job happen.
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My MRI... an ovarian mass that they are going to "monitor"- another MRI in 4 months to ensure it hasn't grown. Not the best thing to hear when you have anxiety. Right now I am just trying my best to stay in the grateful zone about my son and not let the rest of the world get to me.
18:32 May 10 2023
Times Read: 428
I typed up a hefty journal entry, and then when I hit post, I was logged out due to an IP change. I hate that and I should know better, because I have my Internet through T-Mobile now, and it will periodically change my IP address throughout the day. This time I am typing it up in Notes, and will copy and paste it without there being a long period of me typing in my journal for that possible IP change to mess it up again.
Anyhow, I was typing about how I come here to vent. Often times there are a lot of other things going on in my life that make whatever I am whining about here, feel a little more inflamed… I am not going to quit the Tarot business. I am going to keep it on Twitter, and it’ll be a slow as it is until it isn’t. I’m not going to push too much. I’m just going to post every day, use my hashtags, and things will come if they will.
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I don’t have results from my MRI done on Monday at this time… Hopefully it will just be a cyst that can be ignored as long as it isn’t bothering me, or just something along those lines, instead of anything more serious.
On Monday I had an appointment there at the VA before my MRI. The doctor I was seeing was telling me she thought I should have a much higher disability rating than I do, and then, if I needed her help she would assist. That was wonderful to hear, because having my VA doctors in my corner while fighting the VA – is huge. My law firm has a little less than two months left to complete my package and submit it to the VA, and then I wait for their response.
Yesterday I received in the mail the statement I made it to my law office, typed up for me to sign and mail back. It was pretty powerful. Even though I lived it, and I said all of those things to them, reading it myself kind of had me in a little bit of shock. Sometimes you can be removed from your own life in a way. I think what was most impactful was the reality that somebody was listening to me. That law firm is listening to me. Things that I said many times on active duty that went ignored were heard, and are being fought for. There are many signs pointing to this being a win for me. I just don’t know how long that it is going to take. Once again, it is that purgatory that pulls me under at times.
23:57 May 08 2023
Times Read: 463
Today I had an MRI - hoping to find out what this mass is that was found on a pelvic cat scan done a few weeks ago (for something different) that couldn't be seen as clearly as MRI capability. I'm sure many of you had had MRIs... I hated it. Inside a tight capsule for an hour without moving an inch- and somehow, not once did I even flinch. I hated it so much I was ensuring we weren't going to have to do this over again. So... wish me luck on that.
00:02 May 08 2023
Times Read: 507
I want to thank those for trying to suggest things to assist me in regards to my last couple posts.
I think I am just going to take a step back from it all together.
20:46 May 06 2023
Times Read: 552
I might offer free readings in exchange for reviews that could be posted on Twitter- but I am going back and forth on that. I don't have the ability to do 1 or 3 card readings... it's not enough to give an answer... they'd be just as complete as others I've done. I keep pulling until I have what I feel is a *proper* answer.
20:12 May 06 2023
Times Read: 560
I'm not fun right now. Haven't been for a long time. I'm not good company. For a lot reasons.
I am stuck in a purgatory of life with a lawsuit that is mentally draining and taking its toll. In the meantime- I wish I had the skill to build my tarot Twitter account and gather clients... but I just don't. I'm trying to work in a way that I can. But I can't provide services for people when I am invisible. Advertising myself isn't something I'm good at. I am sincere- ads don't seem sincere. How do I ensure that what I am doing as a tarot reader is truly tapping into their questions and immersing myself in that for them- not just here to spin a line and grab some cash? And we're also living in a world where money isn't coming easy to a lot of people. So, "wasting" money on a tarot reading is not on the table. People have been telling me for years I should do this. Now that I've said yes to that... I'm lost with getting it off the ground.
Maybe I need to watch some YouTube videos, waste a few dollars I don't have on a Udemy course teaching me how to build a clientele... yeah, I don't have a few dollars to waste.
I'm tired of the purgatory. I want to dive into a passion and feel good about it. I just can't find the ocean for that.
Reading cards is work. It's concentration, it's energy, it's time, it's me trying my best to deliver a response that is motivating even if it involves a struggling life.
Today I'll try to do some research in how I can stand out in a world of so many readers. How to build a following. I refuse to play a game on social media (Twitter) to get people to follow me. I need to craft my tweets in a way they show up for people looking for those key words and hashtags. Honestly... just typing this up makes me feel stupid as I think about all the people who've started businesses, and how it's not like snapping your fingers and it's off to the races.
Maybe I should step back from this idea. But just maybe... maybe I can one day be posting in this journal about how fulfilled I am with this work... work I was eventually able to get flowing.
16:44 May 03 2023
Times Read: 598
I put a shoutout on Facebook for people to please send cards to my son for his college graduation - we don't have a lot of family left, none here in New Orleans, and it will only be his father and I at his ceremony. Can't afford a gift for him and I hate it... but if I can gather as many cards as possible for him- that will have him overjoyed.
I'm doing what I can to earn money- it's not easy, the tarot business will be slow and maybe never get off the ground. It kills me to not be able to do anything significant for his special day that he's worked so damn hard for. Remember all these things- he graduated high school as valedictorian. He went to a military school where he was the highest ranking cadet, also with the most merits, most ribbons. He was given the Legion of Valor medal (which is the equivalent of the Medal of Honor for JROTC, chosen by a panel of Medal of Honor recipients)- beating out cadets from 65 other high school. SIXTY-FIVE other high schools. He served 3 years in the Louisiana National Guard while in college and now graduates... It physically pains me that I cannot create some incredible day for him on May 13. But if I can get cards congratulating him on his graduation... he will be over the moon, just as excited as he was when he was a little boy if he was given a mere straw- because to him, that would be a wand.
03:08 May 03 2023
Times Read: 626
Doing tarot readings I have learned is helpful for ME. Sure it's something I am doing as a means to make money, but it's so much more than that. I am trying my best to really dig in there for people. I am at my best if I can help anyone, and if work I do can make that happen, this is it. I can be my best with this.
I also wanted to say- that just like a priest or a shrink (I am neither) - same code applies... anything discussed remains confidential. No matter who you are. If you are a person I have had a hard time with here, I would give you the same effort and same confidentiality. I walk the walk. Same energy, same effort, same privacy.
00:50 May 02 2023
Times Read: 670
As far as my tarot readings are concerned- I feel compelled to state something I hope is obvious. I'll read for anyone- but I hope no one ever comes to me for a reading and expects since they've given me business I will overlook things here on VR if they happen to cross a line.
Please remember that. I don't think there is anyone I would turn away, but you can't buy Admin blindness.
17:31 May 01 2023
Times Read: 699
Today I made a birthday cake for a friend... just an online friend I have never met in person- and he won't get to eat any of it.
I hit some huge depression holes over the last year and a half- and in December, I am not sure I would have made it if it hadn't been for a new friend I made on Twitter. I thought it would be cool to put out the effort even though he is here- no box cake mix, no jarred frosting- all from scratch. He wanted chocolate cake with raspberry filling, and white frosting. For me, this is will be my "Happy unBirthday" cake - since I am about halfway to my birthday and I didn't get a cake in October (usually don't).
The frosting and filling are ready to go- but the cake is still cooling... once it's at room temperature I will put it together, and I hope it turns out well :). I know it will taste good... but I have never used fruit fillings before when I've made cakes, and in my mind I am imagining the second layer sliding when I put it on top. We shall see how this goes!
I hope it all works out- because I am celebrating my friend's birth on my own here. And no one will be in my home for the next week... so I'll be eating it all alone, heh. Can I possibly eat a whole cake over this week? Challenge accepted! Although I don't care if I lose. lol
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